The first time I truly realised that I had a toxic working life was when I changed opticians in December 2016.
It was a perfectly simple and innocent question, “What are your hobbies?” But I froze up. I felt my heart rate quicken, my mouth go dry, palms go clammy and then, the tears pricked the backs of my eyes. I am not sure how long I sat in silence, but it was long enough for him to repeat the question and long enough for me to start crying uncontrollably. I had absolutely nothing to say. He was clearly shocked and tried to help, “Well what do you do to relax?” Nothing, I had nothing! I just worked!
This moment was my realisation, but it was not my salvation.
Over the next couple of years, I read as many self-help books as I could manage, I joined groups, I networked, I met new people and pushed myself out of my comfort zone, I hired a business coach and a lifestyle coach, and then, I had a breakdown.
In March 2019 I was forced to take some time for myself and so I booked my first holiday in 3 years. Of course, I took work with me!
I suffered from something that a lot of business owners and self-employed people suffer from. I could not distinguish myself from my business. I was so utterly invested in my business that I could not see where it ended, and I began. Every waking moment, every conversation, every thought was consumed by my work and there was absolutely no room for anything else. I began to realise that I had lost my identity completely.
Lockdown then, was both a blessing and a curse.
I was forced to close my business, with no idea when it would reopen. With my identity being so wrapped up in my business, I felt completely and utterly lost. Who was I if I wasn’t working? On the plus side, there was nothing more to do than look at what I had done to myself and to start making serious changes.
The first thing I did was to establish a morning routine.
Establish A Morning Routine
This came about after reading The Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod and was instrumental in helping me through lockdown. Not only did it give me routine and purpose when there was none, it started to help me to slow down and find things that are good for me personally and not all about work. This is something that I have continued to this day, and I find it an essential part of my wellbeing practice. It is important to include goal setting and visualisations within your morning routine to help to keep you on track with both work and personal life. I also found it incredibly helpful to include gratitude.
Setting Clear Working Hours and Sticking to Them
When lockdown finally lifted, and I was able to get back to work, it was essential for me to create a clear calendar. Working out what tasks need to be completed every week, what can be delegated, what can be grouped together etc and then planning a weekly calendar to make sure everything was easily accomplished, saved me hours (possibly days) worth of time. Again, I turned to an excellent book for help, What Are You Doing? By Paul Holbrook. I started by strictly scheduling EVERYTHING into my diary, from breakfast to scheduling social media, coffee breaks to sending emails. I gave myself a maximum of 90 minutes per task and made sure to include personal and family time. Not only did I find that I had more time for a personal life than I ever imagined I had, I also became significantly more productive and increased my business by 50% within a year of having a strict schedule. Today, my scheduling is a lot more lenient, but the structure is still there.
Monthly Planning
It’s all well and good setting a strict working schedule but we all know that things come up and take us by surprise and if you have a strict schedule, you may find yourself panicking at how to fit these things in. I bought myself a whiteboard, monthly calendar, so at the beginning of every month, I can look through my diary and write in any important things coming up that I need to fit in. I like to colour code this (as I do with my working schedule) to make it even easier to fit things into my schedule. The colour coding for your monthly planner is the most important part. For me, blue and purple are my social life. Blue is for social events such as visiting family, going for a coffee, having dinner etc. Purple is for treats, things to really look forward to, like a massage, a trip to the cinema etc. The aim is to have more blue and purple on my board than other colours (which are mostly work related). I even have orange for gym and fitness classes, the aim is to have at least two orange a week! You don’t have to have absolutely everything scheduled onto your monthly board but if you are a visual / creative type, you will find it super helpful for organising your thoughts and your life.
Investing in My Health and Wellness
Prioritising your health and wellness is hugely important. If you’re sick, you can’t work or socialise, or do anything much! Spending money on your health is an important part of this. I am not saying that you should spend a fortune, but you must spend something. If you refuse to spend money on your health, or you avoid it as much as possible, you are giving your unconscious mind a simple message, “My health is not worth spending money on!” This means that you subconsciously do not value your health, at all. I was always very afraid of spending money on myself, and it was a very difficult habit to break. However, the moment I started to allow myself to spend money on health, my health dramatically improved and I gradually realised that finding the money for health and wellbeing became easier and easier.
Regular Detoxing for Mind, Body and Tech!
For me personally, the most important part of this is the tech detox. In fact, tech detoxing feeds into detoxing for mind and body, especially the mind. I feel far clearer when I step away from the phone and laptop for a short while. I have daily tech detoxes, mostly around meal times. Breakfast, lunch and dinner do not require a mobile phone. Put it on silent, put it in another room or at least away from view and have some tech free time. No TV, no eating in front of your computer, no phones! This will help you to clear your mind, help your body by moving you away from your desk for a while and improve your social life and social skills by forcing you to talk to people instead of burying your head in your phone. Once you get the hang of short bursts of no tech time, you can increase to the odd days, weekends or even take a weeks holiday with no tech!